Roid Rage™ (The Classiest Flashiest Hemmorhoid Remedy On The Planet) net wt. 2oz Style Your Piles With Roid Rage™, The Classiest Flashiest Hemmorhoid Remedy On The Planet

What's in it?

Witch Hazel Infused Coconut Oil
Coconut oil is high in lauric fatty acids, which is believed to have antimicrobial properties. Typically witch hazel is sold in an alcohol or water base because it does not produce enough essential oil to be commercially viable, however it can be heated and infused into an oil. Also, witch hazel is an Native American folklore favorite remedy for painful swellings.

Derived from the scales of bees and used here as a thickener.

Peppermint Essential Oil
Produces a cooling sensation which helps relieve itchiness.

Cypress Essential Oil
Another vasoconstrictor oil. It smells clean like a tree.

Geranium Essential Oil
Geranium is a mild essential oil with antiseptic properties.

German Chamomile Essential Oil
Anti-inflamatory. Its dark blue-green color gives Roid Rage™ its ectoplasm green tinge.

Vitamin E
Generally good for your skin and is an antioxidant.


Say what?
Oh come on, when you push out 7lbs plus of baby you're gonna get some hemmies. Instead of sheepishly trying to hide your remedy behind other, more socially acceptable toiletries in the bathroom cabinet, why not display your tin of Roid Rage™ prominently and within easy reach? It smartly says to all your spying guests, "I have hemorrhoids -- so what."

famous hemmie holders from history

Still shy? Be not ashamed. Have a look at these famous hemmie holders from history

Does Roid Rage™ contain topical steroids?
No, It is totally herbal {unless you want to get all technically vegan on me and say that the beeswax is an animal product} -- then, I suppose, you could say it's mostly herbal.

I've never had hemorrhoids before, when will they go away?
Ha, ha, ha ... maybe never. I'm not a doctor and I don't play one on the web either, but generally speaking, if they're not too bad and you don't continue to stress them out, those piles should shrink to a manageable size in a couple of weeks. As always, ask your doc if you have a real medical question.

Learn How to Make Roid Rage™  Here

Roid bling

ORDER NOW! Limited Edition "Push Present" Packaging, 100 boxes only!  SOLD OUT!

$ 39.95 and Free Shipping!

What is a "Push Present" ?
It is a gift given by a father to the mother of his recently birthed child.

Usually push presents take the form of pricey jewelry. We, however, do things a bit different at LL2B. Thus, we give you the Roid Rage™ Limited Edition Push Present - a lovely commemorative hemorrhoid ointment packaged in an art deco style tin featuring Swarovski crystals encased in a black velvet box. Totally lux, absolutely practical and laugh your swollen-ass off funny. Inside card reads "because you pushed it real good"

Read more about push presents here.

And for those cheap bastards that won't spring forty bucks for love of their life - you can still give her the benefits of Roid Rage™ for our fantastic regular price of $5.99!


A word about timing
Not every woman is up for a good laugh after giving birth. Hopefully you have developed some talent in reading nonverbal cues and can gauge when it would be best to present this gift. If not, God help you...


San Fiacre

Speaking of God - You may want to Consult one of his Proxies - Saint Fiacre, The Patron Saint of Hemorrhoids

He is also - the patron saint of gardeners, venereal disease, cab drivers and florists.

In the 7th century Fiacre was told by Bishop Pharon in France that he could have all the land that he could cultivate in a single day with an itty bitty shovel. Fiacre worked his butt off. The Bishop saw Fiacre's handiwork and declared it was a miracle!

And just like the miracle of birth: hard work + miracle = hemorrhoids.

So, you guessed it, in the course of working-over massive amounts of land, St. Fiacre developed a raging case of hemorrhoids. According to The Golden Legend, after praying for miraculous relief, St. Fiacre sat on a stone and found that his problem was cured and a pitted image of a hemorrhoid was imprinted on the stone. Today, hemorrhoid sufferers continue to visit his gardens to have a sit on the stone and pray for healing!

"A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral."
~ Antoine de Saint-Exupery (author of The Little Prince)

Get the Roid Rage Recipe

Smell the gloveDirections

1. Apply ROID RAGE™ to yourassterisk
2. No double-dipping!
3. Any med questions? ask your doctor.

* The contents of our products and any stated claims have not been evaluated by the FDA. Information on our Web site is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease. It is provided for informational purposes and is not meant to substitute for the advice provided by your own physician or other medical professional. Please read all product packaging carefully.